Dante's Twelve Days of Christmas
by dagongirl13
Summary: Ah the Christmas holidays, full of joy and wonder and snow. Except for Dante, since demons have yet to seem to get the memo about it. Oh well, not like he has anything better to do.
1. Day 0 - Prologue

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Devil May Cry. If I did, why would I be writing a fanfic about it?**_

※※※

 _ **Day 0 - Prologue**_

* * *

Ah the Christmas holidays, a time of great joy and cheer, food and gifts, and spending time with the people one cares about. Songs fills the air and lights dazzles the eyes, smells tickles the noses and a hot chocolate warms the stomachs.

Except demons seem to not have gotten the memo.

In fact, every other year or so they seem to actively attempt to ruin the Christmas holidays for everyone. Only they appear around where Dante can easily get to them and send them back to hell. Maybe they are only trying to ruin the devil hunter's holiday. Not that it would matter anyway, he could care less about the holiday, it wasn't like he had anyone to spend it with. Sure, Trish, Lady, Patty, and even Nero and Kyrie stopped by, even wish him a Merry Christmas or something, but the actual day was spent alone in his shop.

And he liked it that way. Sure, it got lonely sometimes, but Dante was use to it. With the demons trying to ruin the holidays it gave him something to do.

Speaking of Patty, he raised an eyebrow at her scurrying about in the office, stringing lights and garland just about everywhere.

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? This place had absolutely NO Christmas spirit!"

"And?"

Patty glared at him. "And so I'm decorating the place and giving it that Christmas spirit!"

Dante looked around. Okay, he had to admit, it wasn't all that bad. At least it wasn't like when the two had first met each other years ago. All that _pink_. His attention turned towards the tree in the alcove, switching which eyebrow was raised.

"How did that get in here?"

"Nero helped me bring it in while you were on a job earlier."

"Brats, both of you." The devil hunter returned to the magazine he was reading. He would allow this decorating happen to his shop, but Patty was going to have to bring it all down when the holidays were over, and Nero was dealing with that tree.

Patty began humming some sort of Christmas song, something about 12 days and leaping lemurs or something. Something told Dante that particular song was going to become an annoying reality in the coming days, but he could really care less.

It would give him something to do to pass the time.

* * *

 _ **AN: I think the best thing to say here is to not question my thought process. So let's go with that.**_

 _ **~Dagon**_


	2. Day 1 - Twelve Patched up Sacks

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Devil May Cry. If I did, why would I be writing a fanfic about it?**_

※※※

 _ **Day 1 - Twelve Patched up Sacks**_

* * *

 _~On the First day of Christmas my true love gave to me..._

"Dante."

"What do you want Morrison?"

"You to take this job."

"And if I don't?"

"You won't have the money to pay off your pizza tab."

The devil hunter lowered the magazine to look at his liaison, raising an eyebrow. "That stunt again really?"

"It is really the only way to get you to do anything."

"Haha very funny Morrison." Dante threw the magazine onto his desk, picking up the last slice of his current pizza. "What's the job?"

"Scarecrows in an abandoned warehouse a few blocks from here."

"Are people trying to use building in the area again?"

"So says the client."

"Tsk, haven't they figured out that anywhere near where Temen-ni-gru was is still mostly a bad idea to live or do business in?" Humans were rather stupid at time.

"Says the one that lives and does business in the area."

"But I'm also a devil hunter by trade, they aren't." Dante shook his head, sighing. Honestly, part of the reason he was still in the area was so that any demons that popped up in the area would come to him instead of anyone else, considering he was the closest person to where that demonic tower was raised.

Then again the area where Abigail was summoned was also a prime spot for demons to pop out of, but Lady and Trish usually had that area covered. And Nero and the remaining holy knights had Fortuna covered.

"Well, this also means that you will probably get additional jobs from them should this one go well."

"Until they realize that the demon attacks most likely won't stop and they leave."

"You're never going to get out of debt with that attitude."

"Yeah yeah whatever." Dante got up and grabbed his gear, just wanting to get the job over with. Honestly he would have gone anyway since he had finished the pizza. Usually the main issue was people trying to get him to do jobs when he was hungry. Unfortunately for him they usually succeeded and he had to wait to get food. "I'll be back in 10."

"You sure you don't want to make it 20?"

"Ha, if I was going to change how long it took me to do the job I would say it would be done in 5."

Dante waved towards his liaison. The sooner he got this job done the sooner he could get back to doing nothing. Also the sooner he could get some of those debts off of his back.

The actual journey there was only a couple of minutes, which left him about 7 minutes to kill the demons and get back. Too easy.

The devil hunter smirked as he entered the warehouse. It was spacious and mostly empty, save for the demons. He could honestly get the job done in 30 seconds flat if he destroyed the support pillars, but he also wouldn't get paid. That of course ignored the fact that it wasn't as fun _._

"Alright you bunch of patched work sacks. Why don't we make this easy on all of us and you guys just drop dead?"

One of the closer demons jumped up, intending on slashing the devil hunter with its bladed leg. It met Rebellion and was flung away instead for its trouble.

"Didn't think so." Dante placed Rebellion on his shoulder. "Alright, you asked for it."

The demonic claymore was put into a reverse grip, the red devil charging the blade up with demonic energy before releasing a couple of Drives. Before the demons could realize what was happening, the claymore returned to its original position, Dante executing a series of Stingers towards the Scarecrows not about to be hit by demonic energy.

Half of the demons were already gone by the time the devil hunter switched to Lucifer, pelting more of the patch-worked demons with the red blades as he 'danced' with grace through them. A snap of his fingers caused the swords to explode three more of the demons.

"Way to easy." Ebony and Ivory were brought out, sending a hailstorm of bullets towards the remaining demons. He jumped into the air, spinning as bullets rained down. As he landed, his twin pistols were charged with demonic energy, the released bullets killing the last of the Scarecrows.

Dante looked around, surprised with himself that there wasn't as much collateral damage to the warehouse as he thought he was going to end up with. In fact, most of the damage was to the floor from his guns.

"Must be getting better at this..." He scratched his chin, before snorting. Yeah right, he just got lucky for once. Either way, unless the client screws him over on the amount of money he is suppose to be getting, he can get all his bills paid this month with this job alone. Which meant more pizza and strawberry sundaes for him in the coming month, his debt with Lady be damned. She would just make him do a couple of jobs that she took all the money for to help pay for it.

Still, it slightly bothered him that there were _twelve_ demons in a job that took place _eleven_ days before Christmas.

Ah well, must be nothing.

Dante strolled his way back to the shop. This was a perfect time to have dessert. Unless Patty ate his remaining stored one for her work on decorating the office yesterday, in which case he would just go out and get one when he got paid.

The devil hunter entered the shop dramatically.

"Morrison! My time!"

"10 minutes and 1 second."

"..." Dante just looked at the male human. "Seriously?"

"The stopwatch doesn't lie Dante, you can look at it yourself if you want."

Dante slowly blinked, before shrugging and placing his bum back in his chair, feet slamming onto the top of his desk. "Nah, I believe you."

"I'll let the client know the job is done. You'll get a call when the money is in your account."

"Sounds good."

Morrison took his leave, leaving Dante alone in the shop. It wasn't long though until someone else entered the shop, but he ignored the she-devil. She meanwhile looked around the office, noticing the decorations.

"Patty's work I take it?"

"Yep, as usual."

Trish smirked, looking at the tree. "And I take it Nero brought in the tree."

"And he will be the one taking it out when the holiday is over." Dante grabbed a magazine, opening it to read it. "I'm only allowing this decorating session to last more than a day just to amuse the two brats."

"Sure you are Dante." She chuckled, walking over to the desk and dropping a wad of cash on it. "Finished a job and got the pay."

Dante glanced at the money. "You spent most of it before you got here didn't you."

"Whatever could tell you that?"

"The fact there is probably two thousand dollars in hundreds there at most." The devil hunter resumed his reading. He honestly didn't care, they weren't that far into the hole this month, and his recent job should get them out of the hole for a little bit.

"If it makes you feel better, I spent some of it on getting the vehicles better prepared for winter, they are predicting a snow storm sometime in the next two weeks."

"So basically my car was tuned up and given winter tires, while your motorcycle got a paint job and winter tires."

"Sounds about right." Trish looked at him. "Something on your mind?"

"Nah, just the job Morrison gave me was a little...odd." Dante shrugged. "Twelve demons eleven days before Christmas, it's nothing."

"Or Hell is being funny this year with its demon sending."

"Yeah, right."

 _...Twelve exploding Scarecrows…_

* * *

 _ **AN: You would think I would be writing these chapters in order, but I'm not. Anyway, yes I know the first day is actually "partridge in a pear tree," but there is a method to my madness on this one by going in the reverse order. Feel free to guess what demon will appear on what day.**_

 _ **~Dagon**_


	3. Day 2 - Eleven Wooden Puppets

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Devil May Cry. If I did, why would I be writing a fanfic about it?**_

※※※

 _ **Day 2 – Eleven Wooden Puppets**_

* * *

 _~On the Second day of Christmas my true love gave to me..._

Dante was currently in the middle of a staring contest with the human female huntress. Unlike the resident devils of Devil May Cry, Lady was a human, and thus the colder weather actually affected her. Hence why she was currently wearing a white winter coat and jeans. Honestly she kinda looked like a marshmallow, not that he would call her that to her face. She shot him the last time he did.

She blinked, and the devil hunter smirked.

"You blinked!"

"And?" She shook her head. "You thought that was a staring contest?"

Dante blinked himself, raising an eyebrow. What was she talk about? He looked at his desk, trying to figure out what she took. Lets see, his guns were still there, so was the picture of his mother, even the roll of money he was actually planning on giving her was present. So what did she take, if anything?

He looked at her, frowning at the devil huntress as she popped the last of the pizza she took in her mouth.

"Hey!" Of all the things she could take, it had to be his pizza. "There is money clearly visible on the desk, and you _take my pizza_?!"

"You were planning on giving that to me anyway were you not?" Damn, he's been caught. "So there wouldn't be a reaction like I wanted."

Dante furrowed his brows. Lady smirked at him, now swiping the money off of the desk.

"Anyway, you doing anything?" She said, counting the money.

"Another one of your shit jobs?"

"Well, considering you actually willingly paid me this week without me even asking." She raised an eyebrow at the amount. "In _full_ , I might add." The money was pocketed. "I thought I'll actually allow you to keep your half of the pay, minus any damages you cause of course."

Huh, he was actually in the Lady's favor for once. Maybe he should actually pay her on time and in full more often. Dante could say that he only stays in debt with the devil huntress to keep her around, but everyone knew that was a lie. For all their arguments and disagreements, the two were close enough that it would take one of them dying or getting stuck in hell to separate them, and even then they would go searching for the other in the latter case.

"Huh, maybe I _will_ take the job then." More so because he gets to hang out with the human than the money. They hardly ever do anything that isn't work related now thinking about it. Then again the last time they did, Dante got drunk enough where he told Lady the story of another time he got so drunk that he proposed to a mop. She still hasn't let him live it down the last time he checked.

"Oh I don't know. Don't you have anything better to do? Like eat pizza, get drunk, propose to a mop."

Yep definitely still not letting him live it down.

"Ha ha." Dante smirked at her. "And why does a beautiful strong woman like you want my help?"

"Flattery will get you nowhere Dante."

"Eh, worth a shot." The devil hunter shrugged, standing up. "Anyway, where are we going?"

"Opera house," she said as the duo walked out of Devil May Cry. "The owner came to me asking to deal with possessed puppets."

"Are they oversize and most likely have blades for hands?"

"Yep. Marionettes?"

"Sounds like it." Dante stretched, thinking. "I wonder if the ones with the shotguns are around."

Lady whipped her head towards the red devil, raising an eyebrow. "Shotguns?"

"You haven't run into that variation?" Dante scratched his chin. "Huh, strange. I would have expected only the Bloody Mari version be what you haven't ran into."

"You mean the version that seems to be able to block just about everything?"

"No that's Fetish, but you have run into that one? Okay, what did you do to skip over the shotgun type."

Lady shrugged. "Who knows."

Dante slightly frowned, before shrugging himself. Not that it matter all that much to begin with.

The devil huntress let the male take the lead once they finally got to the opera house, relying on him to sense where the quarry was. The devil hunter looked around, pin pointing where the demons were.

"Five in the auditorium lower floor, five on the balconies on the second floor, and one back stage.

"That makes eleven, matches up with what the client gave me."

"Alright." Dante stretched again. "Want to take the balconies while I get the lower floor and backstage?"

"And let you have all the fun?" Lady raised an eyebrow while she pulled off the sunglasses that covered her heterochromic eyes.

"Ah, but if I was going to take all the fun, I would have told you to stay here."

The huntress lifted a finger to retort against him, but saw his point and couldn't come up with a viable counter. "Whatever, sounds fine."

Dante smirked, pushing through some of the doors that lead to the lower floor of the auditorium. He looked around, identifying where each demonic puppet was. Now to be smart and deal with them one at a time, or be the usual idiot and wake them all up and deal with them all at the same time. The one back stage would have to be deal with alone though, unless he brought one or two of the Marionettes backstage with him.

Gunshots from above brought him out of his muses. Right, he needed to do a job. The devil hunter casually strolled over to the closest one. Or rather, he strolled right past it. The red colored Marionette rose from its position, raising its arm to strike at the devil hunter.

Of course, Dante was expecting this, and the demonic puppet received a sword to the torso for its troubles. The devil hunter grinned, swinging the sword and flinging the demon into the two puppets on the stage. Ebony and Ivory entered his hand, firing upon the three beings on the stage.

The Marionette that was flung onto the stage fell to the onslaught, while the two that were already on the stage managed to stand up. Only they received a spinning Rebellion instead.

Dante hopped around the seats, heading towards one of the other puppets. The one he came to stood up, getting pelted with the red blades of Lucifer. The demonic claymore returned from its slicing of the two on stage, the devil hunter grabbing it while still midair and sliced down onto the demon before.

This left the other one in this room on this floor, the one backstage, and whatever Lady hasn't killed yet. The red devil dashed over to the remaining one, switching over to Gilgamesh. The demon couldn't even rise before Dante dropped kicked it. He pulled his arm back, charging up the punch before releasing it to the puppet's face repeatedly.

Huh, kinda like what happened when he and the kid first met, only Dante doesn't easily die from a sword to the gut.

He smirked as the purple smoke evaporated, moving towards the remaining one he was going to deal with. This particular Marionette was already standing, aiming its shotgun towards the devil hunter.

"Ha! There was one."

Dante snapped his fingers as the gun was fire, casually avoiding the bullets. When he snapped again, he was right up next to the demonic puppet, Rebellion in hand as he slashed at the demon. It fell soon enough, and with a nod he returned to the auditorium.

There were still bullets being fired from the floor above, so the red cambion air hiked twice to the upper floor, squatting on the railing to watch the devil huntress at work. While Trish fought with a deadly grace, Lady seemed to dance to her own tune, effortlessly alternating between guns and reloading to deal death to any of her foes. Something he admired about her really.

A stray bullet nailed him in the forehead, and he only blinked as the blood rolled down his face. Said bullet was dug out of his forehead as he felt the last demonic presence disappear.

"Sorry about that, I take it your end is done?"

"All clear down there." The bloody bullet was flicked to the side as his other hand rubbed the healing bullet hole.

"Alright then, I'll get in contact with the client, get an estimate on damages, and then send you what remains of your half."

"Sounds good." He grinned at Lady. "How about we go get something to eat and drink?"

"Is that a date?"

"Maybe."

"I thought you didn't date woman who shot you in the head."

"And I thought you didn't date demons." He pointed at her. "And yet you sound like you are actually considering the offer."

"Says the one who asked in the first place."

They both chuckled, remembering what they had said so long ago.

"Alright, only if you're paying, and no pizza." Lady turned from him and headed out.

Dante internally cheered, _and_ he was able to pay too! Victory for him! Well, except he wasn't able to get pizza. Oh well.

"You're in luck, I happen to still have some money left over from my last job." He hopped off of the railing, following the devil huntress out.

"You mean you haven't spent it all on pizza and strawberry sundaes yet?"

"Hey! I'm a responsible adult!" He paused for a moment. "Sometimes."

... _Eleven chopped up Marionettes..._

* * *

 _ **AN: I maaaaaaay have only just finished writing this chapter like...and hour ago or so, just saying.**_

 _ **~Dagon**_


	4. Day 3 - Ten Loving Sins

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Devil May Cry. If I did, why would I be writing a fanfic about it?**_

※※※

 _ **Day 3 - Ten Loving Sins**_

* * *

 _~On the Third day of Christmas my true love gave to me..._

Nero stared at Dante, raising an eyebrow. Either the elder devil hunter had not noticed he was there, or he was ignoring the younger one. The partial devil was placing his bets on the latter, even if he did appear to be taking a nap.

"What to do you want? You've been standing there for about 5 minutes now. Yamato being a brat or something?"

If only he was actually betting with something other than imaginary money.

"I'm going to get straight to the point." Nero placed both arms on the desk. "Something has been following me for the past week, and I'm worried about Kyrie getting involved."

"Can't you deal with that yourself?"

"That's the thing old man. I can sense it but I can't find it. It seems to disappear whenever I get to wherever I happened to sense it."

"So you want my help in tracking this demon and getting rid of it."

"That's the gist of it yes."

"Alright I'll help."

"Wait, what?" Did he hear that correctly?

"I'll help out, but you owe me a large pizza."

Nero blinked. Of course there was a condition to getting help. At least it was far easier than he was expecting. "Alright fine, deal."

Dante smirked. He didn't know which was better, Nero admitting that he needed help with something, or the devil hunter getting a free pizza out of it. He got up, holstering Ebony and Ivory and throwing Rebellion in that guitar case of his.

"Ya know Dante, why do you carry Rebellion in that?"

"How many people do you know would be unfazed by a demonic claymore being casually carried around outside of Fortuna?"

"..." Nero actually thought about it. "4? Maybe 5?"

"Exactly. Now grab your sword. We got a demon to catch."

···

The kid was right, finding this demon seemed impossible. It certainly explained why the partial devil had come to Dante for help in the matter. Not like he was all that more helpful to begin with.

Nero suddenly paused, looking down at his covered arm as it began to glow.

"Something wrong kid?" Dante paused as well, looking at the younger devil hunter.

"The arm is going off again..."

The elder devil hunter raised an eyebrow. "The stalker demon?"

Nero looked around, trying to find the source of the current glow. "Yes, and no." He looked at Dante. "I mean, I can sense the demon in question, but I'm picking up about 10 other demons as well."

That arm will forever be useful. "Well then, lead the way, which direction?"

The partial devil pointed in a direction. "That way."

Dante smirked. Oh this was going to be _fun._ For him, not Nero or the demons. He was pretty sure Nero didn't even know _what_ was in that direction, but seeing the look on his face was going to be worth more than that free pizza.

The red devil walked passed Nero, now leading the way. The extra demons felt liiiike, Hell Lusts. That was ironically humorous.

"Uh Dante? What is this place?"

"The part of town I like blowing my money on. Haven't actually seen any of the ladies for a few weeks now actually..."

Nero raised an eyebrow. "Huh?"

"Red light district kid."

Oh that look was definitely better than the idea of a free pizza. There was an obvious red tint appearing on Nero's cheeks at the realization of where they were.

"How long have you know we were going to end up here?!"

"Since you pointed in the direction of the demons."

"And you couldn't have warned me?!"

"NOPE!" Dante grinned at the younger male, ignoring the death glare he was receiving in return.

"Asshole..." The partial devil muttered.

A demonic screech brought Nero back into focus, his left hand immediately grabbing onto Red Queen.

"Alright, haven't fought these demons since Temen-ni-gru!"

"You never did fully explain what happened there."

"Eh, long story."

"You said that last time!"

Rebellion left the guitar case. "Let's see...giant tower raised up in the middle of the city, I went and dealt with it and got Force Edge for my troubles!" And lost his brother at the same time, but he wasn't mentioning that, especially considering said brother was the one who _raised_ the tower in the first place and Nero currently had his sword.

"Force Edge?" Red Queen was revved, the young partial devil slashing at an approaching demon.

"The unawoken form of Sparda." Two more Hell Lusts were turned to dust due to a Stinger.

"Huh? How does it become 'awoken'?" A fourth demon received bullets from Blue Rose to the face.

"It needs both halves of the Perfect Amulet."

"Wait, so that amulet can split in two?"

"Yep, me and Vergil got respective halves of it on our eighth birthday." Lucifer turned two demons into pin cushions.

Nero frowned, not liking how the elder devil hunter had said it and the implications behind it. If Sparda was in its current form, it meant that Dante had the completed Perfect Amulet, and if Dante had the completed Perfect Amulet...

The younger devil hunter shook his head, shaking the thought out of his head. One demon suffered from a fury of slashes from Red Queen, with another meeting the same fate after Nero used his devil bringer to pull it towards him.

Dante jumped into the air, spinning as he released a hailstorm of bullets on the remaining two demons. He landed, looking around and nodding at a job well done.

"Now for the stalker."

" **Oh? A stalker I am?"**

Both Dante and Nero turned towards the source of the voice, Nero pointing Blue Rose at the demon in question.

"You are following the kid around, so yeah, stalker you are."

" **Oh Son of Sparda, I was only following him so that he would lead me to you. The fact he also shares your blood is a surprise to me though. Neither you nor you brother seem like the father type, especially after what happened to the traitor."**

"Well he isn't mine, so I don't know what to tell you." Dante fired off a few bullets towards the demon.

The demon moved to the side to avoid the shots. " **Nevertheless, you are my target. Though..."** he looked closely at Dante. " **I don't recall you using guns, that should be your brother."**

The devil hunter raised an eyebrow. Well that was new. He burst out laughing.

"I don't what you are thinking, but you honestly need to do your homework." To the demon and Nero, Dante appeared to have teleported to right in front of the demon. "Because you got the WRONG twin."

Rebellion entered the demon's gut moments later.

" **So the one that raised the tower was the one that fell..."** the demon coughed up blood. " **Pity, I should have been the one to end him..."**

Dante frowned, ripping the claymore out of the demon. Even if that demon did get the right twin, he still would have lost. Still, getting mistaken for something Vergil did was a new one. He thought it was pretty obvious by now that Dante was the twin that was running around. Guess he was wrong in that regard.

He jumped off the roof, flicking the blood off of Rebellion and placing it back into the guitar case. Nero raised an eyebrow at him, noticing the melancholy look the elder devil hunter was sporting.

Dante just grinned at Nero, pushing back his thoughts.

"Well, job's done, let's go get that pizza!"

The partial devil shook his head, sighing. "Alright alright."

···

Well Dante certainly seemed to be in a better mood now that he was stuffing his face with a pizza with everything (but olives) on it. Nero just stared at him, frowning slightly.

"Hey Dante?"

"What is it Nero?"

"What did that demon mean by 'the one that raised the tower is the one that fell'?"

Dante paused with a piece about to enter his open mouth. Damn, the kid heard that.

"..." How to say this... "Vergil was the one that raised Temen-ni-gru to get Force Edge." He resumed his pizza eating hoping that Nero would drop the topic.

Nero fully frowned now, so he was right in that regard. While he did want to know more, Dante didn't seem in the mood to talk about it.

Though it did slightly worry him, considering he currently held on to Yamato. Then again, if the elder devil hunter didn't trust the kid he wouldn't have let him keep the demonic blade, so there was probably nothing to worry about.

"Though I'm confused on how that demon confused you for him."

Dante shrugged. "I have no clue either. Beowulf did the same thing, except he thought Vergil was me."

Nero raised an eyebrow. "Beowulf thought you were your brother?"

"In his defense, I did kinda take out his other eye before he went after Vergil, so he was kinda relying on scent only." Dante finished another piece of pizza. "And demons tend to only focus on the fact that me and Vergil," and Nero as well, now that he actually thought about it, "have a similar one to Pop's, so it wasn't like he could actually tell right away that me and Vergil were two separate people."

The younger devil hunter thought about it for a few minutes. "But this demon wasn't blind, so what was it's excuse?"

"No clue." The elder devil hunter shrugged again. "You would think it would have figured out that I was not the demon it was looking for when it saw I was wearing red instead of blue. It noticed the fact I have guns over that."

Nero shrugged, standing up and stretching moments later.

"Anyway, thanks for the help old man."

"Any time kid." Dante popped the last bite of the pizza into his mouth. "Any time."

 _...Ten dusty Hell Lusts..._

* * *

 _ **AN: This was a lesson in, "How Easily Can Nero Be Embarrassed by Uncle Dante." The answer, easily under the right circumstances. This was also a lesson in "How Many Chapters Can Dagon Write Before She Finishes Writing Chapter 1". The answer is two so far.**_

 _ **As a side note, I might use that "demon with a vendetta" plot as an actual story line.**_

 _ **~Dagon**_


	5. Day 4 - Nine Bloody Statues

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Devil May Cry. If I did, why would I be writing a fanfic about it?**_

※※※

 _ **Day 4 - Nine Bloody Statues**_

* * *

 _~On the Fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me..._

"Ironic isn't it?"

"Hm?"

"Demons possessing gargoyles in a church."

"Not as ironic as a church worshiping a demon."

"In our defense, Sparda did seal off the demon realm 2000 years ago..."

"The kid seemed to be the only one that found that whole worship weird, then again he is somehow related to my family line."

"Don't look at me old man I got nothing from either parent to help confirm how I'm related." Says the one that somehow repaired Yamato.

"I still think he is your kid Dante."

"Ahahahaha no. Never been to Fortuna before the Savior incident. And besides, if I did somehow get a girl pregnant, she would know where to find me. So no, not mine."

"Or you're lying."

Dante looked at the young blonde girl, giving her the stink eye. Patty just grinned back at him, popping a cookie into her mouth. Lady snickered at the devil hunter's misfortune, with Trish rolling her eyes. Kyrie just sighed, with Nero frowning.

"I would rather go to hell then be that slob's kid." Someone was rather salty.

"No you don't." Dante pelted an ornament at Nero's head. "Trust me, I've been there...thrice."

"Thrice?"

"Temen-ni-gru, Mallet Island, and Abigail incident." Dante paused, scratching his head. "I've also been stabbed by my own sword in all three cases."

"Twice during the Mallet Island case."

"One of those times was in my own shop Trish and you know it, and Alastor wasn't mine when he stabbed me."

"I'm starting to think Vergil created a game of who can stab Dante in the chest the most..."

"Ha, Vergil wins at the moment, he got me twice: once with Yamato and then immediately with Rebellion."

"Pretty sure Mundus got you twice as well."

"Well Mundus also used laser beams and you as an distraction, so he doesn't count when everyone else made it perfectly clear they were going to stab me."

"Actually," Patty looked at the ceiling, thinking. "Hasn't Nero gotten you a few times?"

"Yes and no." Nero threw the ornament back at Dante. "Yes in that I've stabbed him a few times, no in that only one of those stabbings were in the chest."

"Yeah, with my own sword in the statue of my father you brat." The elder devil hunter threw a star shape ornament at the younger.

"Hey! I'm not the one that shot a religious figure in the face."

"You don't care for religion Nero..."

"Ya well...he was still considered my enemy at that point Kyrie." Nero pelted a gingerbread ornament at Dante.

"It took me beating you to a pulp for you to see my side of that entire situation."

"I don't believe not taking a fight seriously counts as beating someone to a pulp Dante."

"Close enough." Dante shrugged, throwing a snowman at the younger devil hunter. Only reason he wasn't skewered by Yamato that time was because Nero decided to do the exact same movement Vergil did when Dante was disarmed. The devil hunter paused, taking the snowman to the head from Nero. Now thinking about it that was really, really creepy that both did the _exact_ same thing in the _exact_ same situation.

Dante turned towards Nero, picking up the gingerbread ornament and prepared to pelt it back at Nero.

"Will you two stop throwing the ornaments at each other?!"

Both male devil hunters turned towards Patty, Nero having prepared the star ornament. Both then turned to each other. They weren't even purposely starting a fight with ornaments, they were just throwing them at each other. Dante smirked at Nero, the younger replying with a grin. And despite Patty's want, they threw their respective ornament at each other anyway.

Patty just groaned. These were the people she hanged out with a daily basis.

"Anyway, come on Dante, you can get back to pelting Nero with random objects when you get back."

"But I'm finding this much more entertaining."

"Dante!"

The devil hunter raised his hands in a mock surrender, standing up from his desk. "Alright alright I'm coming Trish."

"No luck with woman." Patty shook her head sighing.

Dante glared at her, following Trish out of the building and to the church.

···

"This is way to easy of a job Trish."

"Easy money."

"You just want shopping money."

"Well, the bills are paid for the month for once so I don't see why not."

Couldn't argue with her there.

"Whatever, let's just get going and get this over with." Honestly why was he even here?

The screeches of the blood-goyles caused the devil hunter to found. Oh this was way to easy. Just shoot the damn things until they turn to stone and then smash them to tiny little pieces. If it wasn't for that, the nine that he was currently seeing would probably be a lot more threatening. He could attack with Rebellion and cause them to split, but that's just making the job longer than it needed to be.

He sighed, pulling out Ebony and Ivory and pelting the demons with their bullets. Trish's Luce and Ombra came out as well, following suit. Four of the beings fell immediately fell under the onslaught, the she-devil changing Sparda into it's scythe form and throwing it all the stone turned demons.

The devil hunter dashed forward, avoiding a diving blood-goyle. He turned filling the demon with lead and turning it into stone as well. The demon quickly crumbled under a few slashes from Rebellion. Ebony targeted another, that one turning to stone and getting destroyed by a returning Sparda.

"Huh, that never happens."

Trish shrugged, returning the devil arm to her back. The last three demons were quickly turned to stone, meeting a Rebellion before they were finally destroyed.

"Finally, can we go back now? I think I have some popcorn I can throw at Nero."

"Since when do you have anything other than pizza, alcohol, and tomato juice in Devil May Cry?"

"Since Patty decided to complain that I didn't have popcorn for whenever she was over in the evening and wanted to watch a movie."

Trish chuckled. "Honestly Dante, she pretty much acts like your daughter."

"Don't remind me..." Not that he would admit that he didn't mind. "Anyway, why did you even bring me here? This was so easy even Patty could do it."

"I thought you might need a break from the youngsters."

"..." The gears were turning in Dante's head. "Nero and Patty are raiding the armory again aren't they."

"Something like that."

"Brats..." Oh he was definitely pelting something harder than popcorn at the partial devil now. Maybe a book. Yes a book sounded nice. Now where did he place the books he did happen to have...

···

Noise from the armory told Dante that the trouble making duo were still in there. Good, means he didn't have to wait to deck Nero with a book. The irony in that would be amusing, for the elder hunter. The fact he even had anything outside of magazines would shock both youngsters.

The red devil grab a particularly thick book, nice and heavy too, and crept towards the armory. He looked inside to pinpoint where Nero was. A smile appeared on his face, taking aim on the unsuspecting partial devil.

When the book was actually released, it nailed the young hunter on the back of the head.

"Ow! What the hell?!" Nero turned around, seeing no one at the door but clearly hearing the half devil laughing from the main room. Oh it was _on_ now.

 _...Nine splitting Blood-goyles..._

* * *

 _ **AN: I will probably never take this chapter seriously, like at all. On that same note, I realized like halfway through writing this chapter that blood-goyles are bloody easy to defeat once you know how to defeat them, which Dante knows, and with Trish it's even easier, so sorry about that.**_

 _ **~Dagon**_


	6. Day 5 - Eight Roaming Reptiles

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Devil May Cry. If I did, why would I be writing a fanfic about it?**_

※※※

 _ **Day 5 - Eight Roaming Reptiles**_

* * *

 _~On the Fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me..._

Dante was hungry, and for some reason that the devil hunter has yet to figure out, the closest pizza place and Fredi's was closed for the day. He never kept food in the house save for popcorn because of Patty and strawberry sundaes for himself, and he was out of the latter. Or maybe he was out of both, he wasn't sure how many packets of popcorn were left after the food fight he had with the younger male devil hunter the day before.

At any rate, sitting around doing nothing was not going to solve the fact that he was hungry and had no food. Sure there were other pizza places, but they were so far away and a lot of them didn't like putting up with the devil hunter's shenanigans with not paying when he orders. That, and they seem to always triple the olives whenever he orders. So what was there left to do?

He could always make his own pizza, but that took work. But food, and the look on Nero's face when he realizes Dante could actually cook. Okay, maybe he was only able to make pizza and strawberry sundaes but it was still something.

"Why the hell not, I'm hungry." Decision made. Now did he actually have money.

He searched through the drawers of his desk, hoping that no one raided his stash while he was out yesterday. A smirk appeared on his face, seeing the roll of money still present. Perfect! It was more than enough for him to get the stuff he needed. Not that he was going to spend everything on supplies for homemade pizza.

Dante stood up from his desk, leaving the shop and headed to the store. Ebony and Ivory were on him as usual, though he figured since he was just going to the store and not hunting demon, he wouldn't need Rebellion. It wasn't like he was on a job so why carry around that guitar case for a simple errand?

Getting what he needed was simple enough, flour, olive oil (in his hatred of olives, a necessary evil), yeast, pizza sauce, cheese, and of course whatever toppings he wanted. And the best part of this all, _no olives_. Maybe he would pick up a tub of vanilla ice cream and stuff to make strawberry sauce for some sundaes.

Yes, homemade pizza and strawberry sundaes, and another good part of this plan is that he can save some money on the sundae aspect of the plan for about a week. Plus, Trish can't complain that he only orders pizza.

The downside to having to leave the building was the possibility of running into demons either on the way to the store or on the way back, more so on the latter than the former.

Which is exactly what happened. Couldn't be that lucky could he? And it had to be when he was on the way _back_ to Devil May Cry. He sighed, kinda wishing he brought Rebellion now. Oh well, nothing to do about it now.

"You guys just love ambushing me at the worse possible moments don't you." He looked around, counting the number of overgrown lizards that were currently surrounding him. "Hum, eight of you."

One of the Assaults roared at him, pouncing at him. Ha, like that was going to work. The devil hunter tossed the bags he was carrying into the air, pulling Ivory out and shooting at the demon point blank. Ebony followed suit, pelting the demon in the face with bullets. As predicted the demon didn't stand up to the onslaught and fell.

His pistols returned to their holsters, Lucifer coming out to play. Hey, he may have not brought Rebellion but he wasn't _completely_ unarmed. Dante wasn't that stupid after all. Okay maybe he was at times but that was besides the point.

The devil arm's red blades found themselves inserted into four more Assaults as they charged at the red devil, having surrounded himself with them.

"Ha, to easy." With a clap of his hand, the swords exploded, damaging the demons. He jumped into the air, pulling Pandora out and converting it into its Jealousy form, letting the gatling gun pellet the already weakened demons. Pandora was changed to its Epidemic form and Dante fired off its projectiles to finish off that group of demons.

The devil hunter air hiked upwards, avoiding the remaining demons that decided to jump at him. Gilgamesh was brought out, Dante charging a strike in the greaves of the devil arm and landing on the demons. One of the greaves were charged up again, the red devil sending a flurry of kicks towards one of the lizards. The demon was killed on the kick upwards.

Dante changed his targets one of the remaining Assaults, putting out his shotgun and firing off a few charge shots. He switched over to the remaining one as that one died, pulling Lucifer out and stabbing a few red blades into the demon, throwing the rose at the swords, causing them to explode and taking the remaining Assault with it.

Lucifer was put away and the devil hunter held both his hands out, catching the bags he threw earlier at the end of their descent. He blinked, realizing that the bags were lighter than when he exited the store, looking into them before looking upward. One of the bags of cheese landed on his face.

"Well then." At least the bag didn't break open on his face. He pulled it off, stuffing it back into the bag it was in before finishing his trip back to Devil May Cry.

···

Much to his dismay, no one that didn't know he could make pizza stopped by while he was actually preparing everything. He yawned, stuffing a piece from the already made pizza into his mouth while the other one was cooking.

The devil hunter raised an eyebrow, hearing the door to the office open."

"Dante!" Oh good it was the kid.

"Back here Nero!"

"Why are you even back..." Nero paused, raising an eyebrow at the state of the kitchen and the fact that the oven was actually being used. "You can cook?"

"Just pizza." Dante finished another piece, picking up another one. "Useful with all the pizza places are fed up with me and I don't have enough money to pay them back."

"Please don't tell me that is the case this time..." The partial devil walked over to the elder hunter, taking a piece and sniffing it before taking a bite.

"Actually, no." Dante snorted at Nero's actions towards the pizza. "Just the only place that doesn't put copious amounts of olives on my pizza is closed."

Nero blinked, looking at the pizza in his hands. "Damn this isn't bad." The timer went off, the younger hunter subconsciously pulling that pizza out with his devil bringer.

The red cambion chuckled. "I'm guessing Kyrie makes you do that at home?"

Nero blinked. "Actually, no, just a force of habit." He looked at the demonic arm, shrugging and grabbing another piece from the already cooled pizza. "Anyway, why don't you do this more often?"

"Simple!" Dante raised a finger. "I'm too lazy to do so."

Nero facepalmed at the answer.

… _Eight defeated Assaults..._

* * *

 _ **AN: I actually looked up a pizza recipe for this one to at least get the ingredients. But now I want pizza. Damn.**_

 _ **~Dagon**_


	7. Day 6 - Seven Creepy Crawlies

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Devil May Cry. If I did, why would I be writing a fanfic about it?**_

※※※

 _ **Day 6 - Seven Creepy Crawlies**_

* * *

 _~On the Sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me..._

"Me and my big mouth..."

"No you and your bad luck Dante."

Lady smirked at the male devil hunter. There was another warehouse involved job, but this time there were giant spiders involved. Or at least the dual hunters believe spiders were involved due to the client mentioning webs all over the place.

Then again, the only reason Dante was even on this job was because he lost a bet to the female hunter, again. Honestly he needs to stop betting against the woman whenever he doesn't want to do a job for her and just do it. Wasn't like he would win against her unless he was doing the challenge concerning the bet, not that she would let him. Well, that and the fact that he never won a bet when cards were involved anyway.

So here he was, following the female human to the location of the job.

"The Master never wins in his favor does he?"

"Of course not Brother, unless he controls the outcome of it."

Right, dumb and dumber were here. He was dealing with spiders, so the Firestorm brothers would be useful. In hindsight, they were annoying as ever, and Ifrit would have been just fine to taking out spiders. Except he had the wonderful idea to bring Agni and Rudra as well. Today was just not his day.

"Silence! Both of you!"

The twin scimitars didn't say another word.

"Good."

He could hear Lady chuckle, knowing that she was aware that even his speaking swords knew of Dante's bad luck.

"Should have only brought Ifrit..."

"Now now Dante those two hardly get to leave your armory."

"Because they never stop talking!"

The devil hunter gave an exasperated sigh. At least he gets to set things on fire and beat the crap out of demons, so there was a plus in this.

Lady just shook her head. "You are so difficult to deal with sometimes."

Dante squinted his eyes at her, half tempted to just flip her off as they entered the building. There were spiders here alright, giant spiders who weave giant webs. And there were...seven? Huh, strange.

"This is getting rather odd..."

"What do you mean?"

"Since the fourteenth I've dealt with a decreasing number of demons from twelve every single day." Dante looked over at Lady, seeing the confusion. "Meaning that I've fought twelve demons on the fourteenth, eleven on the fifteenth, ten on the sixteenth, so on and so forth to seven today."

Lady thought about it for a few minutes. "Strange, you think hell is being funny this year to annoy you?"

Dante shrugged. If that was the case, it wasn't amusing. Okay he was slightly amused by it but that was besides the point. "Who knows."

"Anyway, client wants us to clear out the demons and most of the web, and they will deal with the rest."

"Sounds good to me." The twin scimitars were pulled from his back, each weapon flaring their respective element slightly. Time to roast some bugs. At least it wasn't Kyklopes or Phantom. Actually the latter of the two probably would have been more entertaining, if only by a margin at his current level of skill and strength.

The screech from one of the demonic female spider creatures had Dante charging forward. Both of his swords flared up, surrounding the devil hunter in wind fueled flames as he repeatedly slashed at the Arachnes. A boom came from behind him, Lady having fired off Kalina Ann at another demon. The initial attack from the devil hunters killed two of the demonic spiders.

"Impressive."

"Silence Agni!"

Dante switched over to the flaming gauntlets, upper cutting the closest demon to him. Said demon then received a flurry of punches from the cambion, bursting into ashes after the onslaught. He switched his attention to another demon, before ducking to avoid one of the devil huntress' missiles. Ebony came out and fired passed the female human to an Arachne approaching her from behind.

Lady immediately turned around, her own guns sending a hailstorm of bullets into the torso of the demon. The devil hunter smirk, punching the ground to create an eruption of flames around him. The two approaching Arachnes backed up a bit, only to receive flaming slashes for their attempt as Dante burst out of the flames that surrounded him.

"Hey Lady what do you think of roasted spiders for lunch?"

"I think you are disgusting for even suggesting it."

"Aw don't be like that. I mean hell provided the spiders and I have the flames. We don't even have to travel out of town to get some!"

"Ignoring the fact that this involves spiders, I am pretty sure only your demonic half would enjoy eating demonic beings."

Dante paused for a minute, thinking about it. "Good point, let's stick with food that doesn't want to eat us back."

The devil hunter spun on his heel, swinging Agni and Rudra with him to dispatch the two Arachnes he had charged at. Lady turned towards where the devil hunter was, a well placed shot dispatching the one already weakened by her bazooka.

The last of the demons screeched at the hunters, attempting to get away before she fell like the demons before her. The devil huntress aimed Kalina Ann at the demon, the devil hunter switching back to Ifrit and charging up a fireball.

"Jackpot!" Both hunters yelled, firing off their respective attacks towards the demon and incinerating it.

Dante nodded, looking around and firing off flames at most of the bigger globs of web. "Burn baby burn~"

"Please don't start Dante."

The devil hunter grinned at Lady, following her out after firing off one more fire ball. "What? It was perfect." He received a smack to the back of his head by the huntress. "Meanie."

Lady smirked, adjusting her bazooka. "Only trying to keep you from making yourself even more of an embarrassment than you already are."

"I take offense to that!" No he didn't.

"Of course you do, not." See?

"Besides the point." Dante looked at the devil huntress, placing a hand on her shoulder after bringing Agni and Rudra out. "Up for a game of pool when we get back to the shop."

"Only if you are prepare to lose."

"I am always prepare to lose...wait a minute." Dante blinked, making it look like he said that on accident instead of on purpose. Lady laughed at him anyway.

"The Master is not very bright at times is he Brother."

"Which is why he has us Brother."

"Agni, Rudra," Dante turned towards the twin swords slightly. "Shut up."

Lady laughed more as the swords remained silent for a moment, staring back at the devil hunter.

"But it's true."

Dante grabbed the handles of the Firestorm Brothers and held them in front of him, banging their pommel heads together. "No talking!"

Dante and Lady smash some spiders

 _...Seven sliced Arachnes..._

* * *

 _ **AN: I am so unfamiliar with the devil arms that appear outside of DMC 4 (save for Cerberus, and even then it's been awhile since I've played DMC 3) it's not even funny. In my defense, I hardly used any devil arms save for Rebellion and Cerberus in DMC3 and I didn't get far enough to acquire Ifrit in DMC 1.**_

 _ **I really need to acquire a PS2 so I can play my games again...**_

 _ **~Dagon**_


	8. Day 7 - Six Nameless Things

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Devil May Cry. If I did, why would I be writing a fanfic about it?**_

※※※

 _ **Day 7 - Six Nameless Things**_

* * *

 _On the Seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me..._

Both Patty and Nero looked at the elder devil hunter with confusion at what they just told them.

"Wait, so you're telling me that there is a demon out there that is so dimwitted that even Mundus doesn't like them?"

"Yep."

"And they technically don't even have a name?"

"Yep." Dante flipped a page in the magazine he was reading. Even if he didn't show it, he was highly amused by the confusion the two young adults were showing.

"And we are going to possibly go kill some."

"Yep." He hasn't even told them what this demon was called and the looks on their faces was funny.

Nero raised an eyebrow, trying to figure out if Dante was joking or not. "Alright then, what _do_ we refer to these demons then."

"Nobody." And let the fun begin.

Nero frowned, squinting at the devil hunter. "I'm serious Dante what do we even call them?"

"Nobody." The temptation to burst out laughing was high, but there was a grin on his face that Nero seems to have yet to caught on for. Patty seems to have though, since he can see her trying to hold back laughter in his peripheral vision.

"Dante!" And the partial devil was about ready to through that temper of his around. Kyrie from her spot on the couch sighed, shaking her head. Dante idly wondered how she put up with Nero sometimes, before the thought went out the window that was his brain.

"Nero..." Ah her lovely voice, useful when calming the kid down. Except in this situation Dante wanted the partial devil irritated by the time the reveal happened. Oh well. Nero turned towards his fiancee, raising an eyebrow at her and curious as to what she had to say. "I think Dante means that the demon is called Nobody."

"..." Nero turned back towards the devil hunter, seeing that shit-eating grin plastered on his face. No words were said, for the younger devil hunter simply just flipped the elder off with his devil bringer. Patty snorted, trying to keep herself from laughing even harder. Dante snickered. Not the reaction he was hoping for but it was still funny.

"Anyway let's go kid." Dante grabbed the back of Nero's jacket and pulled him along, receiving cursing from the younger hunter.

"Dammit old man I can walk on my own!"

···

"Okay seriously, what are we even suppose to be looking for?"

"Some really ugly 5 arm things that have an giant eyeball in their side, or the giant version of them anyway, which also have a mask." Dante replied to the younger hunter. Nero looked over at devil hunter, raising an eyebrow. Seriously? "Oh, and they may or may not throw said eyeball at you, just saying."

"What the fuck?!"

"In their defense, that eyeball is full of toxins that seem to repress demonic energies." Dante shrugged, ignoring the look of disgust and concern that was growing on Nero's face. Honestly the eyes weren't so bad if you just dodge the damn thing.

"That is just...ugh." Nero normally had words to describe all sorts of thoughts when it came to demons, but this? This was just...no. Just no. At least it wasn't toads. God he didn't like the damn things.

The elder devil hunter smirked, stopping suddenly as Nero's devil bringer started glowing. "Your glow stick is going off."

"Can you stop calling it a glow stick Dante?!" Just because it was a glowing limb didn't make it a glow stick! It made it a night light. A very annoying night light.

"Eh." Dante shrugged, pulling Ebony and Ivory out and firing above him. The nobody in question screeched at him, leaping at the two devil hunters. The elder of the two air hiked into the air firing off more bullets as the younger of the two dashed backwards. Six demons in total surrounded the duo. Nero placed a hand on his head, feeling the drain of demonic energy.

"The hell?"

"Be careful kid. Best keep moving." Dante landed on the ground, grabbing Rebellion and sending a Stinger towards the demon. He pulled back and sent another Stinger towards the demon before air hiking away to avoid the toxins as the Nobody died.

Nero dashed around another Nobody, revving Red Queen and Streaking towards the demon. He sliced upwards, throwing the demon into the air and slicing repeatedly at the demon before slicing back downwards, bring the Nobody back down. The partial devil felt even more drained as the toxins drained him even more.

"God damn these things are annoying!"

"I know right?" They were easy enough for the elder devil hunter, having fought them multiple times and when he wasn't at the peak of his strength like he was now. Still, that wouldn't stop him from switching to Alastor and actually triggering mid air and firing off bolts of lightning to remove two more of the demons.

Nero pulled his Devil Bringer back, the eternal bigger version of his arm appearing behind him. In the next moment his arm shot forward, slamming the spectral arm into another Nobody and into a wall. Dante covered the partial devil's back as the remaining demon put on that mask, growing bigger.

" **Huh, I would have expected more than just the one would have done that."**

Dante detriggered after that, switching back to Rebellion and using a Stinger at the demon a few times before firing Coyote-A to break the mask. It was easy enough, the mask broke. Except the demon still managed to fire off that damn giant eye of its before the mask broke. "Kid duck!" Dante Stingered the demon again before tricking away to avoid the toxin.

Nero meanwhile was finishing off his demon, dashing away to avoid that toxin before ducking to avoid the eyeball.

"Damn...these things are really annoying..." The partial devil was panting lightly, trying to focus on regaining his strength.

"On the plus side, at least you had me in your first encounter with them." Dante shrugged, handing Nero a vital star and a devil star. "I fought a few of these while in hell without knowing what they were, so I wasn't exactly in top condition when fighting Mundus."

"I thought you said Mundus doesn't like these demons."

"He doesn't, they just happen to be the most annoying thing that could fight me at the time."

Nero looked over at the devil hunter, seeing the distant look in Dante's eyes. "You okay?"

"Hm?" Dante looked at Nero, raising an eyebrow. "I'm fine, just remembering something."

Fine his ass. Nero rolled his eyes. "Fine, whatever, hide whatever you feel like you need to hide."

The elder devil hunter snorted, walking back to the shop. "Maybe I'll tell you when you're older."

The partial devil followed the red devil, raising an eyebrow. "Didn't you say that last time?"

"I think I did." Dante shrugged once again. "All you really need to know about Mallet Island is that I met Trish on that mission and sealed Mundus back into hell at the moment."

"Yeah, yeah and you will tell the right when you feel like it." Nero glanced at the elder hunter. "I know this already Dante."

The red devil thought about it for a moment. "Well, there is probably something else you should know."

"Huh?"

"Vergil was there as well, except he wasn't...him." Dante sighed. "What's done is done though, so no point in dwelling on the past." That certainly explained a few things for the partial devil. "Anyway, time to get back to the girls and tease them~"

"Do anything to Kyrie and you will find Yamato in your chest again."

"Spoilsport."

Dante and Nero deal with some Nobodies

 _...Six beaten Nobodies..._

* * *

 _ **AN: More research into devil arm moves I'm not entirely familiar with (I only managed to complete mission 5 in DMC 1, and I only used Nevan at the combo adjudicators for her in DMC3). But god I am losing steam for writing these chapters, just two more I have yet to write though so there is that.**_

 _ **~Dagon**_

 _ **Guest #2: Would need a PS3 first, but its cheaper for me to just acquire a PS2 since I already own DMC 1 and DMC 3 SE. And I would rather acquire DMC4 SE at this point, because Vergil.**_

 _ **NightWolf702: Glad you like it!**_


	9. Day 8 - Five Suits of Armor

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Devil May Cry. If I did, why would I be writing a fanfic about it?**_

※※※

 _ **Day 8 - Five Suits of Armor**_

* * *

 _~On the Eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me..._

"So wait, there are still a bunch of those demonic armors The Order made running around?"

"Usually they remain in Fortuna and Nero deals with them, but it seems like a small pack slipped underneath his nose and got here."

Dante sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "To be fair on him, he has been here for the past week." He looked up at the devil huntress and the she-devil, shrugging a bit at his own explanation. "What? Can't expect him to be in two places at once. Only I can do that." He paused, thinking about it for a minute. "Actually, I could be in three places at once if Vergil was here and he played along."

"Like Vergil would pretend to be you, you two are polar opposites of each other." Lady shrugged. The likelihood of him being alive in the first place was nil to begin with but that wasn't the point.

"Ah, but I would totally cosplay as him if it meant the enemy was confused on which one was actually Vergil, that and why Vergil happened to be in two places at once when he doesn't have a doppelganger ability."

"Meanwhile Vergil would stab you for even thinking about it."

"It would be so worth it though, and hilarious."

"We are getting off track here Dante, Lady." Trish sighed and placed a hand on her hip. "We still don't know how an Alto Angelo and 4 Bianco Angelos managed to get all the way to Capulet City from Fortuna."

Patty, who had been silent the entire time as the adults talked to one another, raised her hand slightly before speaking. "It could be that the armors managed to get here via a portal from hell, meaning that no one from Fortuna even knew about this set."

"She has a point Dante." The she-devil gestured towards the young human female.

"Either way, they won't be here for much longer." Dante stood up and stretched. "Want to come ladies?" He was referring to Lady and Trish.

"I've got a job out out town, so I will be passing this time around." Lady placed her sunglasses over his heterochromic eyes. "I'll be back in a few days, just in time to annoy you for Christmas Dante."

"I've got nothing better to do, so why not?" The two females walked to the door, waiting for Dante.

"You're lost then Lady." The devil hunter followed the duo. "See ya Patty."

"By Dante, Lady, Trish!" Patty waved the trio off.

···

"Seventy-two bottles of beers on the wall.~" How did Dante even get started on this? "Seventy-two bottles of beers.~ Take one down and pass it around.~" And smash it on the red devil's head. "Seventy-one bottles of beers on the wall.~"

Dante immediately tricked to the right to avoid the lance from a charging Bianco Angelo, pulling Rebellion off of his back and stabbing into the demon's back. The demon in question didn't get a moment to recover after the sword was pulled back out, as it got an unhealthy dose of electricity from Trish.

"Sixty-six bottles of beers on the wall.~" The bigger question here was how Trish wasn't utterly annoyed by the singing cambion. "Sixty-six bottles of beers.~ Take one down and pass it around.~" Maybe she was just too use to Dante's antics at this point to care. "Sixty-five bottles of beers on the wall.~"

The singing continued as the devil hunter Royal Guarded the Alto Angelo, releasing the pent up energy to throw it back. The she-devil charged Luce and Ombra, firing off charged shots at the demonic suits of armor to weaken them. Dante changed his target to another of the Biancos, switching to Gilgamesh and repeatedly punching the demon.

Trish put her guns away and charged up her hands and feet with electricity, unleashing a flurry of kicks and punches towards the demon the red cambion first struck, finally killing it. Luce and Ombra returned to her hands, firing off at another of the demons before it blocked with it's shield. On one hand, she wish she had brought Sparda with her, on the other, she didn't have to worry about the demon's countering her unless they guarded when she was close range to them.

"Fifty-four bottles of beers on the wall.~" And he still hasn't missed a bit of that song. "Fifty-four bottles of beers.~ Take one down and pass it around.~" It was a miracle that he actually hasn't messed up yet. "Fifty-three bottles of beers on the wall.~"

The living Bianco Angelos pulled back towards the Alto that had finally recovered from the blast from Dante. It raised it sword, causing the Bianos to start charging up a ball of energy to fire at the two devil hunters. Trish prepared to dodge, when the male hunter raised his arm.

"I got this." The song he was singing was switched over to whistling, Ebony and Ivory coming out to play as he charged his own demonic energy into the twin pistols. Just need to fire at the right time. His eyes focused on the target, but he never missed a note in his whistling.

The ball from the Angelos was fired off, Dante firing off his shot at the last moment. The ball was reflected back towards the demons, killing the Biancos instantly. The devil hunter grabbed Rebellion, sending a stinger towards the remaining Alto Angelo to finish it off before it recovered.

"Forty-three bottles of beer on the wall~"

Trish sighed, shaking her head at Dante's shenanigans.

···

Dante swung the doors to the office open, smelling some sort of pizza having passed through. "Who ordered pizza without inviting me?"

"Well I was hungry and you weren't here." Nero stuffed the last piece from the open box into his mouth. "Patty made sure that there was a box for you when you came back, it's on the desk."

"Sweet!" The devil hunter bounced over to the desk, opening the box. "And it's without olives! Remind me to thank Patty later."

"Hey! I ordered the damn thing old man."

"Fiiiiine, thanks kid." Dante placed his feet on his desk as he savored the slice he had grabbed. Trish walked over, taking her own slice.

"Yeah, whatever, welcome." Nero sat back on the sofa.

The she-devil picked up the phone when it rang. "Devil May Cry. Mmhm. Yeah. Sounds good. See you then." Dante raised an eyebrow at Trish, wondering what that was about. "Someone with the password, out of town sort of job."

"Uh-huh. Sure." To say Dante didn't believe her was an understatement.

"Alright, so it wasn't someone with the password, but that friend of mine that called still has demon trouble. Shouldn't be that much of a problem for me to help out yes?"

"Only time I have an issue with you going to help other people is when my credit card is involved and I am not warned ahead of time." Dante took another slice of pizza. "Plus, I can't stop you from going anyway."

Trish smirked. "Of course Dante. See you later boys.~"

Nero looked at the male devil hunter after the she-devil left. "Trish steals your credit card to go shopping?"

"Lady too, or they send the bill to me. Patty did the latter once around the time she met Trish."

"You have horrible luck with women you know that?"

"I have been aware of that little fact ever since Lady shot me in the head at Temen-ni-gru, considering she did so twice. I grabbed the bullet before it could connect the second time though so..." He shrugged. It wasn't like he didn't deserve getting shot at during that time and he probably should have been shot at a few more times for the idiocy he showed in his teen years. Ah well, that was a long time ago so there isn't much he could do about it now.

… _Five dead Angelos..._

* * *

 _ **AN: I had nothing for this chapter so here's 99 bottles of beer on the wall.**_

 _ **~Dagon**_


	10. Day 9 - Four Frozen Lizards

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Devil May Cry. If I did, why would I be writing a fanfic about it?**_

※※※

 _ **Day 9 - Four Frozen Lizards**_

* * *

 _~On the Ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me..._

Snow. It had to be _snow_. Dante was kinda wishing he still had some stuff left over from when he made pizza a few days ago, because the pizza place was refusing to send someone out in this weather. Which by the way was extremely odd itself because snow wasn't being predicted for a few more days. In fact today was suppose to be clear and sunny, albeit cold. But no, it had to be snowing. This wasn't Colorado dammit.

The devil hunter sat at his desk, grumbling about how the day was currently going. If one of the girls or even Nero were here, they would have been so amused by the red cambion's antics at the moment. Then again, the partial devil would turn into his personal punching back to help alleviate his frustration. And the younger devil hunter would be able to actually make it a channel, unlike an actual punching bag which just stood there, or rather just hanged there. Plus the bag would probably break within a few punches, so really it wouldn't help that much.

And the phone was ringing wonderful! Dante grumbled, slamming his foot on the desk to bring the phone towards him.

"Devil May Cry." To say he was irritated would be an understatement.

"Well someone sounds like they haven't eaten."

"They won't send drivers to me because of the weather Morrison."

"Well, I may have the answer to at least one of those problems."

"Please don't tell me you are staring at a giant stinky toad right now."

"No, but there are a bunch of light blue demonic lizards in the park right now throwing ice around."

Dante blinked, raising an eyebrow. "Frosts cannot cause snowstorms to this level last I recall."

"Surely they are not helping the situation either. Besides, I think you can use them to release the pent up frustration I am sure you are feeling at the moment. I'll even treat you to pizza after you are done."

"Only if you order me enough to last for the rest of the day." He was hungry, what was expected of him?

"Sounds fine to me."

"Good, I'll be there in about 10 minutes." He really just wanted to punch something right about now and demons would do just nicely. It at least beat creating a hole in his wall, because that would just cost him money to fix.

···

First snow, now four Frosts. Wonderful, just wonderful. This day was turning out so great, sarcasm abound as well! The pizza was going to be so damn worth it once he was done. Morrison was at least out of the way, which was good. He didn't want a frozen liaison on his hands, and for more than the fact he was getting the devil hunter pizza.

Gilgamesh was brought out. Sure, he _could_ go stab the frozen lizards with Rebellion or turn them into pincushions with Lucifer, or hey, even bring out that missile battery of Pandora and blow them to bits, but that wouldn't be fun. Well, it would, but it wouldn't be as fun as just punching the demons in the face.

"Alright you damn lizards, hit me!"

And one immediately sent ice spears at him, one jumped into the air to sent a wave of ice on the ground towards the devil hunter, while the other two just kept moving around. Well, at least he had two of the four sending attacks at him. Dante tricked to avoid the spears, following the airborne demon and forced it back to the ground before it could unleash its attack by drop kicking it.

The demon in question didn't get a moment to recover as the devil hunter unleashed a flurry of kicks and punches, charging up a punch before the demon was sent flying. He air hiked to avoid being hit by the ground freezing underneath him.

Dante turned towards the frost, air hiking towards it before slamming his feet into the demon. Like the first demon, this one was slammed with attacks from the organic metal. Out of the corner of his eye he could see the demon he already weaken encasing itself in ice.

"Oh no you don't!" Rebellion entered his hands and was immediately thrown towards the demon, pinning it on the ground. Gilgamesh was switched out with Ifrit, the devil hunter slamming his fist into the ground to surround himself in flames before tricking over to the pinned demon, slamming the demonic weapon into the Frost's face. One down, three to go.

Dante grabbed his demonic claymore and send a few Stingers at the remaining Frosts, killing another demon in the attack. The Shock Steel (Gilgamesh) devil arm came out again, Dante unleashing another flurry of punches towards one of the last two Frosts.

The hellfire from Ifrit had really weaken the Frosts, as that one fell just as quickly as the previous one. Unfortunately it allowed for the remaining demon to encase itself in ice to recover.

"Not so fast!" Said hellfire emitting gauntlets came back out, Dante charging a strike before firing off towards the demon. And with that the demons were gone. The weather wasn't any better as predicted, but the devil hunter had a feeling that it would at least let up in a few hours.

"Morrison!" The red devil walked out of the park, looking for the human.

"Done already?"

"Too easy." Dante shrugged. It did get rid of some of his frustration about the weather though. Still wondering why it was acting like Colorado's weather. It was still rather strange that the weather took a sudden turn for the worst, but whatever.

"Well, I did promise you pizza. Come on."

"Alright!" If there was one person he could count on not screwing him over, it was Morrison. Plus, he was getting free pizza again, so this day was already turning out for the better.

… _Four frighten Frosts..._

* * *

 _ **AN: As a Coloradoan, I think I have the right to make fun of my own state. Like, its the middle of December, and it was raining on Sunday. Just...wtf Colorado. On another note: this is the last chapter I haven't written yet, so the remaining 4 chapters should be like...10x better than what I have been giving you for the past few days.**_

 _ **~Dagon**_


	11. Day 10 - Three Exploding Beasts

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Devil May Cry. If I did, why would I be writing a fanfic about it?**_

※※※

 _ **Day 10 – Three Exploding Beasts**_

* * *

 _~On the Tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me..._

The two male devil hunters and Patty glared at each other, occasionally glancing down at the cards they held in their hands. Dante smirked, liking the hand he currently had. Patty grinned, knowing she most likely had a hand that at the very least beat Dante's. Nero frowned at his own hand.

"I fold, I don't like the look either of you two are giving." Nero tossed his two pair hand onto the table. There was also the fact that he had a rather crappy hand to begin with.

Patty's grin only went wider. Oh she was sure to win now.

"Ha! You wouldn't have won anyway with that hand."

"Oh? And just what is your hand?"

Dante just smirked at Nero, throwing down his cards. "Full House!"

The younger devil hunter looked over at Patty, still seeing that grin.

"Royal Straight Flush Dante.~" Patty placed her hand down to show off her cards.

Dante raised an eyebrow, scratching his cheek. "I'm getting an eerie sense of deja vu here..."

The girl snickered, taking all the chips from the pot. "Poker on that cruise ship, only time I've seen you won, and that was because of a charm you were given by the demonic client."

"Yeah..." Now he remembers why he bought poker chips for whenever he played with Patty.

"Do I want to know?" Nero raised an eyebrow. Dante winning at gambling?

"Only if you want to hear how Dante complained about it for around a week afterwards." The girl shrugged.

"Yeah, no, not happening."

Dante squinted his eyes at Patty. "I did not complain for a week." Not that he particularly wanted to talk about it in the first place. Seeing the then young girl possessed by something meant for him scared the devil hunter half to death, not that he would admit it.

"Deny it all you want but I know what I remember.~"

Morrison entered the shop, raising an eyebrow. "Dante is denying what now?"

"Nothing! You have a job for me?" He really just wanted to drop the topic.

"You're eager for once, but yes I have a job for you." The liason came over to the trio, looking at the cards. "Well this is a familiar situation."

"Can we drop it now please? I'd rather we talk about the shit job I am about to get."

"Does something about demonic cats with red eyes and can disappear into the shadows ring a bell?"

Dante stared at Morrison, blinking once. "Shadows, annoying buggers."

"Ah, so you have heard of them. I thought so."

"Alright alright I'll take it." He looked over at Nero. "Gear up kid, you're coming with me."

"Huh? Okay."

Dante grabbed the piece of paper Morrison was holding out that held the information to the job location, smirking at him briefly before grabbing Rebellion. Nero grabbed his weapons and followed Dante out the door.

···

"Anything I should know before we fight these?" Nero looked over at the elder devil hunter.

"They are similar to Blood Goyles and Blitz in that you need to shoot repeatedly before you open up their weak spot, and are only slightly less annoying than Blitz." Dante replied to the younger devil hunter. "Sword attacks are repelled, but like I already said, filling them with lead will open up that weak spot."

"Okay then..."

"Oh, and when they glow red they try to attach themselves to you and explode."

"Uh...what?!"

"Exactly as I said, so when they turn red, run like hell or kill them quickly." The latter of the two options was the challenge option, but it was usually easier to just run away until they exploded on their own.

Dante aimed his guns at the source of a demonic growl, before groaning. "Oh come on there are three of them, one of them is annoying enough." At least he had Nero around this time compared to the last time he faced three of these demons.

"Less whining more shooting."

Dante turned towards Nero, giving him a funny look. "This is payback for what happened a week ago isn't it."

"Yep."

At least he didn't deny it.

Both hunters moved to the side as one of the Shadows shot out a spike.

"Oh yeah, forgot about that."

Nero rolled his eyes before he started to fire off at the demons. Dante trained each of his twin pistols onto a different beast.

The demon the younger devil hunter was shooting at flattening out into shadow, dashing over to the partial devil and sending out another spike. Nero ducked underneath the spike, moving Blue Rose over to his Devil Bringer and firing off a charged shot. The demon flattened out again, but released the orb of it's weak spot.

Red Queen immediately entered his hands, taking the opportunity to slash and stab at the orb.

Dante was dancing around the two Shadows focused on him, occasionally switching over to Pandora or Coyote-A to fire at the demons. Both eventually fell to the onslaught of bullets and revealed their orbs, the elder devil hunter immediately taking Rebellion to one of them.

The one Nero was fighting reverted back to normal, jumping up into the air and spinning before sending spikes towards the hunter. The retaliation was the spike being grabbed by his devil bringer. He quickly threw the demon towards the other two as they reformed, all three hitting the wall.

Dante whistled. "Nice kid."

Nero smirked, resuming the shooting spree at the demons. One of the demons turned red and chased after the younger devil hunter.

"Run Forrest run.~" The urge to shoot Dante was high.

Nero tricked around the demon to avoid getting caught as Dante dealt with one of the other demons. The elder devil hunter got the demon back into its orb form, and quickly finished it off. The devil hunter smirked, turning towards the younger one as his respective Shadow exploded.

"You weren't kidding about the exploding demons!"

"Think I was joking?"

"Well, yeah, you normally are."

"Hey! I'm serious about what I say sometimes!"

Nero just stared at him, shaking his head. "Wait...where is the last one?"

Both devil hunters looked around, trying to find where that last one went. Nero scratched the side of his head.

"Did it just bolt?"

"Shadows normally don't do that, when they find a target it's either they die or the shadow dies taking them with it."

Which meant that the last demon was somewhere nearby. Dante scanned the area, feeling that something was off.

The approaching red shadow behind Nero was the clue as to what that something was.

"Nero! Behind you!"

Nero whipped around, firing off at the demon as it pounced towards it. The next thing he knew he was on the ground and the sound of gunfire filled his ears. He looked towards the source, seeing Dante grabbed by the demon.

"Dante!"

And the familiar explosion crossed his eyes. Oh shit. The partial devil got back to his feet and ran over to where the red devil had fallen.

"Dante!"

"Owwww..." Well at least he was alive. Nero looked down at him, raising an eyebrow.

"Uh, you okay there?"

"Never better." The sarcasm in his voice was obvious. "Have a vital star?"

Nero pulled out a vital star he happened to have on him, throwing it at Dante.

"Thanks." Dante sat up, munching on the item. "Ow. My face."

"You just just exploded on, and your face is what you are worried about?"

"I can't die from them, so what else am I supposed to worry about?"

Nero shook his head. Honestly why was he even worried about the devil hunter he was just fine.

"Anyway, that is why Lady throws these type of jobs at me." Even though Morrison was the one that give it to him this time around. Dante paused, thinking about it. "Though I think she mainly does it because Shadows tend to explode on me..."

"You are rather annoying to deal with old man."

"Oi! You aren't that much better kid!"

Nero shrugged, smirking at the elder devil hunter. "Come on, job is done. Time to get paid."

"Lady is going to take my part of the pay."

"That's because you owe her money."

"Shut it."

 _...Three destroyed Shadows..._

* * *

 _ **AN: Writing these chapters is a constant lesson in "Can Dagon Write Fight Scenes." I need more practice honestly...**_

 _ **As another note: originally Lady was the one giving Dante the job, but then I realized that in chapter 8 I wrote her as leaving for a job, so she wouldn't be here, had to fix that.**_

 _ **~Dagon**_


	12. Day 11 - Two Electric Boogaloos

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Devil May Cry. If I did, why would I be writing a fanfic about it?**_

※※※

 _ **Day 11 - Two Electric Boogaloos**_

* * *

 _~On the Eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me..._

Dante raised an eyebrow at the man before him. What did some rich business man want with him? This better not be another lost lizard or something.

"You have a job for me? I don't look for lost animals." Okay he may have still been slightly miffed about the lizard.

"I assure you, no lost animals." He sat up straight, looking at Dante. "More like, fried equipment."

"Fried equipment?" Something with electricity or fire?

"Yes, a few days ago, the electrical equipment in a building I own started going haywire, before these weird flashes of electricity traveled around them frying them, as well as scorching and killing anyone who happened to be near. I've been keeping everyone out of the building since then to prevent any more deaths from happening due to this incident."

"Couldn't have it been due to faulty equipment?"

"That was the original thought, but external controls are still recording spikes of voltage despite the power being cut from the building."

And it had to be those annoying demons, at least it sounded like them. It was one of two things anyway.

"What color were these, weird flashes?"

"Yellow, I believe."

And it had to be the more annoying of the two possible candidates. Wonderful.

"And what is the pay?"

"It will be a huge payout for you provided you deal with whatever caused this as well as keep damage levels to a minimum."

Yeah, like the latter of the two conditions was going to happen. Ah well, he hasn't fought these particular creatures in a couple of years. Should provide some entertainment until one of his coworkers were done with their own jobs. It was seriously getting a bit boring around here without one of them to annoy.

"Alright, I'll do it before the day is done so we can all be home in time for Christmas.~" Not like he had any plans for Christmas to begin with. "Where is the place?"

"On the other side of town in the industrial district. It's not the biggest building there but it's the only building with the power currently off, so it shouldn't be hard to miss." The man placed down a piece of paper with directions. "One of the managers will be there in about an hour to confirm when you are done. So do stick around until then."

Of course someone was going to confirm the job completion the moment he was done, he didn't expect less. He would have actually been slightly more worried otherwise. Okay he wouldn't be worried at all but everyone already knew that.

He smirked. Gilgamesh wouldn't help him all that much until the shields were down. Lucifer tended for them to smack him with more electricity than was needed. Pandora was useful, but it could easily bring the place down. Which left his trusty old Rebellion, Ebony and Ivory, and Coyote-A. Not that he didn't mind it brought more of a challenge.

The only thing that currently made this job more annoying than it needed to be was that it almost took an hour to even get to the location. Did people just not know how to drive in snow? And it wasn't even snowing yet that day either! It was the snow from a few days ago that people were being stupid about. Oh he couldn't wait to beat the crap out of a demon or two.

When he finally actually got there, the power was off just like the client said. Except there was an occasional flash of light and a rather obvious stench of at least one demon. Yep, definitely a demonic problem, which means a devil hunter is just right for the job. To bad said devil hunter has a habit of destroying property along side kill the demon is question.

"I take it you are the person the boss hired to deal with this problem?"

Dante glanced to his left, seeing a middle aged man standing there.

"And you must be the guy to confirm the completion of the job."

"That would be correct." The man looked at the devil hunter. "Well, you better get going if we both want to be out of here at a reasonable hour, preferably before that forecasted storm comes in."

"Hmmm..." Maybe the girls wouldn't be able to get back at their predicted times due to said storm. Pity.

At any rate, Rebellion was pulled out of that trusty guitar case when Dante entered the building. Sure the man knew that he was someone who dealt with the supernatural, but a giant claymore with a skull on it wasn't exactly a decent conversation starter.

And by the sound and feel of things, there were only two Blitz in the building. Good it wasn't going to be that much of an annoyance to actually complete this mission. Still, he would have preferred the Plasmas. They at least could be smacked by swords at all points in time.

Now to actually find the damn demons, those electrical bastards.

The dancing sound of electricity filled the air. Well they knew he was here alright. Then again it usually wasn't all that hard to identify him as the son of the traitor. Nero was surprisingly noticed as Sparda's descendant more often than Dante was noticed as Sparda's son, and he had less demonic blood running through his veins!

His hands moved towards his twin pistols, ready to aim at his targets. Now to see if they were playing nice and not having a thick shield, or rather not bouncing all over the place.

The devil hunter sudden tricked forward, aiming Ivory to his right and firing. A bolt landed right where he was standing, and a screech from the hit demon showed that Dante hit his mark. Now to do so multiple more times to break that shield.

The other blitz bounced to right in front of him, intending to tackle and shock him. To back that particular shock and awe tactic wouldn't work all that well, because all it did was show Dante where it was, and thus it received a bullet to the face for its troubles. Shield still wasn't down though.

And now the target practice began.

Bullets fled from the ends of Dante's pistols, following the two blitz around the room. The already fried equipment were now filled with bullet holes, so if they weren't salvageable before, they surely were not any more.

Dante's eyes furrowed, hoping that he wasn't going to lose money about destroyed already destroyed machinery.

Okay, this was getting annoying fast. _Really_ annoying. If Mundus had just sent a bunch of Blitzes at him 10 years ago instead of those Nobodies instead, Dante probably would have actually been defeated. Sure, Nobodies were difficult to deal with, but at least he could stab the damn things without getting electrocuted for his trouble. These damn Blitzes had to be shot at first!

And they moved, fast, meaning they were regular lessons in targeting. Why couldn't he have brought Lady or Nero with him? Hell, even Trish would have worked! But no, they all had to be out on jobs, the two devil huntresses even being out of town. Just his luck. At least there were only two of the bastards.

Dante tricked away from another bolt of lightning, taking pot shots at the paused demon hoping to finally break that damn electric shield of its. The other Blitz was bouncing all over the place so that one was just plain impossible to hit at the moment. He was getting really close to just bringing Pandora out and Augmenting the damn things. Then again where was the (rather frustrating) fun in that?

Ha! Finally there goes the damn shield. Rebellion immediately entered the devil hunter's hand, sending a Stinger towards the disoriented demon. Dante grinned, aiming the impaled demon towards the other one. With a swing the demon slid off of the sword and towards its partner. Whether the devil hunter hits his mark or not the demon was still hurting due to a sword in its gut. Dante tricked left to avoid a bolt from the hyperactive bouncy ball of a blitz.

"Time to play a little ball."

Fortunately for him, the second blitz was in fact hit by the thrown one, disorienting that one as well. Unfortunately for him, the second one still didn't lose its shield, but that was quickly fixed by a few shotgun blasts to the face. The stabbed one disintegrated into dust, leaving just one more. Good, that would make this a whole lot easier. Especially considering the demon in question could take all sorts of slashes and stabs. Until it died at any rate.

Which is exactly what it did after about 30 seconds. Dante heaved Rebellion onto his shoulder as the demon before him disintegrated like the last one.

"There, job done~"

He looked around, groaning at the state of the building. As usual it was pretty much destroyed. Now the question was he going to get paid.

···

Dante sat in his chair, feet up upon his desk. Blitz were annoying, but oh did that job actually pay out good. And that was despite all the damage he caused as well! Life was currently good. Until Lady came and took all his money anyway. Maybe he should get a few bills paid before the huntress got the word that he had money.

Dante glanced over at the partial devil laying on his couch, the kid having gotten back from a job himself. Why he was here instead of with Kyrie was beyond him, but he rather enjoyed the company at the moment.

"What do you want old man?"

Oops, he caught onto the staring.

"You know Nero," He could see the young hunter raise an eyebrow, sitting up as well, "hell has been sending me stuff everyday for the past eleven days..."

"And your point?" Nero rolled his eyes.

"I'm suddenly curious what it will send me for Christmas!"

There was an audible smack as Nero connected his hand to his face. Of all the things for Dante to get excited about, _that_ was one of them?

"You really thing that will happen?" He stood up, strolling over to the desk. "Let's be honest here Dante, these last 11 days have probably been pure coincidence concerning the demons."

"If we are being honest here then it's probably best that hell _doesn't_ send me something." The elder devil hunter gave off a smirk. "But at this rate, I would go to hell myself if it doesn't."

The temptation to smack his forehead again was high for Nero. _This_ ladies and gentlemen, was suppose to be the leader of the main Devil May Cry branch. And yet he didn't act like it half the time.

"Dante you are hope..."

And just like that, 5 minutes before midnight to officially start of Christmas Day, the phone began ringing. Nero just stared at the phone, eyes wide at the timing.

"You have got to be kidding me..."

Looks like Dante was going to get his wish after all. Wonderful. The elder devil hunter just grinned at Nero, slamming his foot on the desk to bring the phone to him. He was rather excited on who needed help. What was he going to get, a hoard of demons? A demon general? ...Mundus?

"Devil May Cry."

"I couldn't fathom how you even came up with that name, but then I quite clearly remembered this was you. Hello Dante."

Dante immediately frowned. What the hell?

 _...Two annoying Blitz..._

* * *

 _ **AN: Huh, wonder who that could be.**_

 _ **~Dagon**_


	13. Day 12 - And A Deranged Twin Brother

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Devil May Cry. If I did, why would I be writing a fanfic about it?**_

※※※

 _ **Day 12 – And a deranged twin brother**_

* * *

 _~On the Twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me..._

"Devil May Cry."

Nero shook his head, sighing as he stared at the elder devil hunter. He seemed way to happy to be receiving a job, and he usually complained about taking jobs unless they interested him. Then again, considering the situation he really shouldn't have been all that surprised that Dante was excited. What should surprise him was Dante now frowning at whomever was on the other end, except he only raised an eyebrow at the immediate change of mood.

"What in the hell..."

The partial devil could have sworn he faintly hear some complaint about not being said location from the person on the line. Ooookay then.

"Where are you?"

What he currently couldn't figure out is whether Dante sounded concerned, amused, antsy, or a combination thereof. Either way, concerned and antsy seemed to be the prominent two he could tell, but about what? The possible job? Who he was probably going to end up fight? The caller him or herself?

"I'll be there in 10 minutes."

Whatever it was, Dante was going to deal with it. The elder devil hunter flipped the phone back onto its base and sat back lost in thought for about a minute. Nero just switched which eyebrow was raised, before jumping slightly at Dante's sudden slamming the chair back onto all fours.

The red cambion quickly grabbed his twin pistols and his jacket, leaving Rebellion behind. He wasn't even at the door yet before he called out to the kid.

"Nero you're coming with me." It was more of a command than a request.

"What? Why?"

"Just come!"

Nero could now add irritation to the list of possible emotions going through Dante's head. He shook his head and sighed, grabbing his own jacket and Red Queen before following the elder devil hunter outside. He was curious as to why Dante wasn't bringing the demonic claymore, but had the feeling that Dante wasn't going to be answering that question any time soon. It wasn't like the cambion was completely unarmed, he still had Ebony and Ivory, and admittingly Nero could always let him use Yamato if it came down to it.

Something about Dante's actions though told him that none of their weapons would actually need to be used however. Never hurt to bring them along anyway; things rarely went as plan when it came to anything demon related.

Nero hopped into the passenger seat of Dante's car, barely getting the door closed when the devil hunter sped out of the courtyard. Sure, he said to the caller he would be there in ten minutes, but did he have to speed over the snow and ice on the way there?! The younger devil hunter made a mental note that Dante was going to be the death of him one of these days.

He looked over at said devil hunter, seeing the focused look on his face.

"So, what was it about that call that has you all worked up?" Dante could deny it all he want, but Nero still knew that something had bothered the devil hunter.

"This is either the best thing I could have gotten from hell, or the worst thing I could have gotten." And Dante was fully aware of that little fact, so he told Nero (somewhat) straight.

Of course Nero just looked at him in confusion with an eyebrow raised. That neither answered the question nor helped the partial devil at all into knowing what was going on.

"Wait, you mean you don't know which?!" And that was the confusing part of Dante's answer.

"It remains to be seen at the moment."

Nero huffed, leaning back into the car seat. Dante wasn't going to give him a straight answer, so he had to impatiently wait until they got to where ever they were going in order to get the answer. The elder devil hunter did ask him to come along, whether he was actually needed or not remained to be seen. For all he knew, the only reason Dante asked him to come along was because he was the only one around to be able to help, considering both Lady and Trish were out of town until later that day.

The partial devil was brought out of his self-induced daze when the driver side door was slammed shut, and he didn't even realized they had stopped until then. Nero quickly followed the elder devil hunter out of the car, catching up to him quickly. He noted the pay phone that was near where the car was parked, figuring that was where the caller had made his or her call. Dante had asked where the caller was after all.

"You're late."

Nero's head immediately snapped to the cloaked figure sitting against the wall. He was under the awning of the building, which offered some protection from the snow, but it wasn't much and it definitely didn't help against the cold.

"Now since when am I ever on time for anything?"

"Never, you were even late for the party at our little reunion 20 years ago."

"That party still sucked by the way. No food, no drinks, everything wanted to kill me, and the only babe shot me in the head. And the clown was just a horrible touch."

"I assure you I never intended for the clown to do the damage that he did."

"It was your fault he was there in the first place Einstein."

"I am surprised you even know who that is."

Nero just stared at the two, extremely confused. The fact that Dante who this person was explained the concern in his emotions. Still didn't explain the amusement, irritation, and antsy though.

"Can anyone explain to me what the hell is going on?"

The elder devil hunter turned towards Nero, ignoring the figure who was now struggling to get up from his sitting position. The grunt and slight slip had Dante return his attention to the man, grabbing him so he didn't fall back down.

"I am NOT an invalid Dante."

"Of course you're not prissy pants, but just shut up and let me help you. You were the one who called me after all."

"Much to my dismay..."

"Admit it, I am the only one you know in this town."

"I know that human woman, Mary I believe she was called."

"..." Dante just stared at the man. "Only one in this town that gives a damn about you asshole, besides she is out of town and would shoot you if you called her that." He paused, letting the man use him as support as they headed back to the car. "How did you get the number to the shop anyway Verge? It wasn't even named the last time I saw you as, well you, so you didn't have a name to go by."

"Are you that witless that you can't even think that a phone book just might have your number underneath your name? Or under that foolish alias you have at any rate."

"In my defense, it helps identify who actually has a job for me and who are the debt collectors. And last I checked, my alias wasn't an anagram of my name _Gilver_ nor did I cosplay as a mummy."

Nero wasn't even going to comment on the fact Dante has been in extremely deep debt for as long as he has known him. According to Lady he was even out of debt with her, only to get back into it within a month due to needing to pay his bills. But that wasn't the point at the moment.

"Hello?! Did you two just forget I'm here or something?"

"Nah, you're just going senile."

"If anyone is going senile it's _you_ old man."

"I am not going senile _kid_."

"No, you are just stupid Dante." This Verge character decided to speak up. Why did Nero feel like that was just a nickname to annoy the man?

"Vergil, don't encourage him."

Ah that explained the feeling wait a minute...

"Wait, Vergil? As in your brother?"

Nero was promptly ignored as Vergil was placed in the passenger seat of the car, forcing the partial devil into the back seat. The man pulled the hood of his cloak back, allowing Nero to get a better look at him. Snow white hair and icy blue eyes immediately alerted to the young devil hunter that this was in fact the elder twin son of Sparda. Probably.

"Same one kid."

Nero just blinked, raising an eyebrow as Dante drove off back to the shop, much slower this time around since there was no hurry to get to their destination.

"But I thought you said he died."

"Apparently he is as stubborn to kill as I am!"

Vergil glared at the boy through the rear view mirror, studying him.

"Who is the boy anyway Dante? I would have never thought you would have a spawn."

"That would be because he isn't mine Verge. That would be Nero, a punk nosed brat I met in Fortuna a few years ago."

"Fuck you old man."

"Fortuna? That town that worships Father as a god?"

"Ah, so you are aware of it?" Dante was ignoring Nero's cursing as usual.

"I am aware that the townspeople were a little...eccentric, about their worship, especially those who were considered as holy knights. Of course, I also visited in my search of information concerning Temen-ni-gru."

"I say they were more than a little eccentric." Nero grumbled, remembering that he was absorbed into their "Savior" along with Kyrie. Crushing that giant statue's head after it transformed into resemble Sanctus was extremely gratifying.

Vergil meanwhile looked towards his brother for answers, noticing that the boy sounded more than just irritated.

"Fake hell gates, armor possessed demons, humans taking in demonic power, the real hell gate opening, and giant statue that supposedly resembled Pops." Dante shrugged. The twins were fully aware that the image of their father that was worshiped was no where near what Sparda had actually looked like, in either of his forms.

"The real Hell Gate could only be opened by Yamato, and he was unfortunately broken due to Mundus...brainwashing me."

Dante could tell that Vergil was in no way comfortable with explaining what he meant by brainwashing, but he knew that it was not a pleasant experience and probably involved torture. It does explain why Yamato was broken for a little bit though.

"Ah, about Yamato..."

"What is it Dante?"

The younger twin avoided the question as he parked the car and got out. Nero quickly got out himself, scanning the area around the shop. His demonic arm was pulsating, meaning that there was at least one demon nearby that wasn't the three of them or Trish. Not even Bradly sent the arm off at this point.

"Dante!"

Dante continued to ignore his twin's question, more focused on getting Vergil out of the car and into the shop. Nero could deal with the demon. And dealt with the demon he did, the lonely Scarecrow becoming a porcupine for all of 5 seconds with the younger devil hunter's summoned swords before exploding. Dante just raised an eyebrow at that.

"Since when were you able to do that without Triggering?"

"You really are going senile, I explained it to you when I figured it out 3 months ago!"

"I wasn't listening then, explain it again."

"For the love of Sparda you are hopeless Dante."

Nero followed the twins inside, placing Red Queen and his jacket up. Vergil was placed on one of the sofas, while Dante went to get the medical kit. The sound of the shower alerted to the devils that one of the girls had returned, with the lack of additional demonic energies making it out to be Lady. Or Patty was here at this hour for some reason.

"Dante! What the hell are you doing!?" And it was in fact the human devil huntress. "Can't you tell I'm taking a shower here?!"

"You say that as if I can see you through that thick ass certain, which I can't by the way!"

"That is besides the point you idiot!"

"Where is the med kit anyway?"

"Same place as always, what did you do, crack your hard head open finally?"

"No for me Lady!"

"Nero isn't even as close to how stupid you are to get injured bad enough that requires the med kit."

Nero couldn't even figure out whether to take that as a compliment or an insult.

"No not for the kid either." The resounding 'ahha!' that followed shortly after that meant that Dante found what he was looking for.

Lady poked her head out from behind the shower curtain, raising an eyebrow.

"Then who...?" She didn't an answer as Dante had already left the room.

Dante meanwhile sat on the table in front of Vergil, grabbing one of his arms.

Vergil growled at his twin, pulling the arm away. Nero didn't even realize that the elder twin had removed his cloak, and for the lack of better terms, he looked like he went through hell. The partial devil would later mentally smack himself for that thought, considering Vergil just came from the literal hell.

Anyway, the elder twin was not looking good, what with all the burns and cuts that covered his arms, legs, and torso, enough to kill a man. Except Vergil wasn't fully human, so these injuries were nothing to him once his demonic blood fully kicked in. Which was slightly concerning that said blood hadn't done so yet.

"Would you kindly drop your pride so I can help you~" Dante teased, holding the med kit out of his brother's reach. Vergil growled again, dropping his arm and holding it out towards his brother. "Thank you~"

"How do you even know how to do this?" To say Vergil was surprised was an understatement, even if he didn't show it. The devil hunter just snorted, snapping the string used to stitch up one of the more severe wounds on the elder twin's arm. Sure it would most likely end up coming off before the day was over, but there was already enough of Vergil's blood all over his floor.

"Lady would come back severely injured occasionally years ago after biting of something more than she can chew." Dante stated, shrugging. "She doesn't do so as often anymore, but I've tended to enough of her injuries over the years that this is nothing."

"You say that as if you had to bandage me up every other week Dante." Lady finally came out of the bathroom, clothed and a towel around her neck. She looked over at Vergil, squinting at him. "How the hell is he alive?"

Dante just shrugged again, resuming his work.

"It has been a long time, Lady was it?" At least Vergil was taking what Dante said about calling her birth name to whatever heart he happened to have.

"Yes...it has." She looked around the twins, raising an eyebrow. "I don't see Yamato."

"Speaking of Yamato, where is my sword _brother_."

Silence fill the room, neither Lady nor Dante wanting to reveal that little tidbit. The bigger question was where did Nero go off too, at least for the two devil hunters. Yamato's energy was in the room though, and the trio looked over at where the concentration of the energy was the strongest.

Nero meanwhile was just off in a corner, looking over and cleaning the devil blade. He was ignoring the stares, more focused on his current task since everyone had decided to ignore him. His eyebrows furrowed soon enough, looking up.

"What?"

"Bad timing to be doing that kid."

Nero frowned, pointing the blade at Dante. "And when _would_ have been a good time to do so?"

"I don't know, AFTER we tell Vergil where it was?!"

Nero rolled his eyes, reabsorbing Yamato back into his demonic arm. Vergil meanwhile was just flabbergasted, seeing Yamato in one piece, and it actually showed on his face.

"Yamato was..."

"Yeah, the kid repaired him." Dante turned back to Vergil, wrapping up his other arm. "I don't know _how_ or _why_ , but Yamato responses favorably to Nero."

"Is that why you entrusted him to me?" Nero raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, I am not about to argue with the devil arm that can slice me up into teeny tiny pieces."

Vergil's face returned to its usual emotionless state, though the start of a frown could be seen if someone looked closely enough. He was studying the boy more closely paying attention to both his appearance and aura.

" _Dante..."_ He had to confirm something, asking the younger twin through their mental connection.

" _What is it?"_ Fortunately for Vergil, Dante seemed to understand the need to reply mentally as well.

" _What do you know about the boy?"_

" _Let's see, I believe he said that he grew up in the orphanage before he met Kyrie and Credo, doesn't know his parents, the demonic arm came later, aaaaand his aura is extremely familiar."_ Dante grinned, looking at his twin. " _Something you want to tell me Vergil?"_

" _And if I do?"_ Vergil could hide his visible reactions, but his mental reactions were open to Dante.

" _Then I would ask who the mother was."_ Dante easily ducked from one of Vergil's summoned swords, before bursting out in laughter from the look on his twin's face. Nero and Lady were just confused at the situation, not knowing that the brothers were mentally talking to each other. " _I can take that as I'm right?"_

" _Shut it before I turn you into a pincushion."_ Vergil scratched the side of his nose.

" _I don't know which is funnier, the fact that Nero is your kid, or despite the fact that he doesn't know you he still ended up with some of your mannerism."_

"Dante have you officially gone mental?" Lady raised an eyebrow at the devil hunter when he gave her the 'come hither' motion with his finger, whispering in her ear what he learned from Vergil.

"Dante!" Which was much to Vergil's dismay.

"You're kidding right?" Lady looked between Nero and Vergil, trying to hold back laughter.

"Nope!"

Nero just stared deadpanned at the two devil hunters and Vergil, frowning.

"Do I want to know?"

"I don't know, do you?"

Dante grinned to Nero's slow blink. The devil hunter had to pause for a moment when he turned back to Vergil, before bursting out in laughter. On the elder twin's face was the same exact 'I am not amused' deadpanned look that the partial devil was sporting.

"Well Lady, if that doesn't show the connection between the two, I don't know what will."

Nero raised an eyebrow while Vergil frowned.

"Dante!"

"What? I'm serious here Verge. I'm just surprise he hasn't thrown around that temper of his. Lord knows he didn't get _that_ from you."

And Dante decided to let the demonic beans out of the can.

"Why do I have an idiot for a brother..." the elder twin was not amused.

Nero just frowned at the information slip. If he heard the elder devil hunter correctly then...

Nope, not going to deal with this crap. Today's Christmas, he was going to ignore that little piece of information and pretend he didn't hear it. Maybe spend the day with Kyrie. Yes that sounds good. Spend the day with Kyrie and deal with this crap tomorrow when Christmas is over. Sure, he had lots of questions for Vergil, but he wasn't about to let the answers to those questions ruin his holiday.

"I'm out, Kyrie is probably worried about me."

"Adios kid~" Dante waved as Nero exited the building. " _I think he knows Verge."_

" _You weren't exactly subtle about it!"_

Lady watched him off as well, before turning her attention back to the elder twin.

"So..." she began, receiving an eyebrow raise from Vergil. "Who's the mother?"

Vergil rubbed the bridge of his nose, groaning slightly at the idiocy from the two of them.

"I hate you."

"Love you too Bro."

 _...And a happy dysfunctional family.~_

* * *

 _ **AN: If I am going to be completely honest here, this was the first chapter I wrote for this rather silly parody (that turned somewhat serious whut), aaaaand also pretty much the driving force behind this entire thing to begin with, considering my first thought concerning this was the title of the chapter.**_

 _ **The ideas I get I swear...**_

 _ **Anyway, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone!**_

 _ **~Dagon**_


	14. Day 13 - Epilogue

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Devil May Cry. If I did, why would I be writing a fanfic about it?**_

※※※

 _ **Day 13 - Epilogue**_

* * *

Okay, so maybe Dante didn't feel like he had the most normal of Christmases, what with his brother apparently returning from the dead and all. And that he originally thought he was having a drunken stupor over all that and everyone would know that he really missed his brother. Sure, they fight to the death whenever they meet and generally hate each other, but Vergil was still pretty much his only biological family left, and he missed him. Well, until the reveal that Nero was the devil hunter's nephew anyway.

But that turned out to be true for the devil hunter and not a drunken stupor or hallucination, as Vergil was currently asleep on the couch on this fine morning after Christmas. And fully recovered if he was correct. Whether he would stick around or not would be a completely different story. But knowing he was alive was enough for the devil hunter. He just hoped Vergil wasn't still hell bent on opening more hell gates to gain more power, because that would suck for the red devil. And Nero, that would suck for Nero as well.

If there was any silver lining to that thought process, the blue devil hadn't even demanded to get into contact with the youngest member of the Sparda line in order to acquire Yamato back. If Dante didn't know better, he could swear Vergil was going to allow the boy to keep the devil arm. Actually, that was probably what the elder twin was doing what was he thinking.

Anyway, Trish had stopped by, and predictably Vergil tried to murder the she-devil for a variety of reasons. The obvious ones was the fact she not only had worked for Mundus, but also had the face of their mother. Dante somehow managed to get that situation sorted out quickly enough, even though he ended up with more than his fair share of cuts and stab wounds from his twin.

Patty was amusingly confused about it, considering she thought she was seeing two Dantes. Why Vergil allowed that shenanigan to go on for a good 10 minutes was anyone's guess, but it did provide some entertainment. And this girl had to be the most courageous human he knew, or the stupidest, the devil hunter couldn't figure out which. This human girl stood up and told Vergil off. As amusing as that was, Dante was still extremely worried that the elder twin would do something to Patty. Sure, the girl was annoying, but he still saw her as like a little sister or a daughter or something. Not that he would admit it.

Lady stuck around for a little bit before she left herself. She was surprisingly calm about the entire situation. That of course didn't Dante couldn't feel some wariness coming off of her concerning Vergil, but she did join in the teasing of Vergil about Nero. Fortunately for her (and unfortunately for Dante as everything came his way instead, at least Lady wasn't hurt), she was never a victim of the blue devil's summoned swords.

Nero completely avoided the shop the entire day as well as ignored any phone calls he received from Dante. He was completely serious about not dealing with the information of Vergil being his father until the next day, which the devil hunter now knew about since the partial devil had called earlier. It also meant that he would be stopping by later to try to get some answers from Vergil.

As for Dante, he just sat around at his desk, listening to some Christmas music Patty had bought for the jukebox and talking to his brother. It had been over two decades since the younger twin saw the elder twin, at least when the elder twin wasn't brainwashed by the Prince of Darkness. So some catching up had to be done.

And now it was the day after Christmas, which meant that ridiculous Christmas tree could finally be taken out of the office and turn into firewood or something. And no more Christmas holiday cheer until next year, but Dante knew that it wouldn't beat what happened this year.

He looked over at his sleeping brother, chuckling. Despite everything that has happened between the two, it was good to have Vergil back. And Dante had to admit...

"Best Christmas ever."

* * *

 _ **AN: And that's a wrap. This was one rather, well silly journey on my end, what with writing chapters out of order and not having ideas for some of the chapters before I started writing it. Ah well, c'est la vie.**_

 _ **I shall leave you with a fun fact: This story was called "DMC 12 Days of Christmas Stupidity" and then "DMC 12 Days of Stupidity" when talking about it to others while I was writing. It was never the official title (this thing was actually named before I started writing it), but it was pretty much my thought process while I was writing it.**_

 _ **~Dagon**_


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